let changed she into i'm


just because i'm comes off strong, doesn't mean i didn't fall asleep crying.
and even though i acts like nothings wrong, maybe i'm just really good at lying. 

Friday 22 October 2010

so, jadi gini kemaren abis pulang sekolah rencana nya meet up sama harry dkk. nah jam 6 aan kan, yaudah gue dateng pas nyampe ada adnan, darryl and harry tuh. yaudah kita jalan bentar sambil nunggu yang lain, nah abis itu si adnan kan mau balik nonton soalnya dia sama temen nya juga. yaudah adnan nonton, jadi tinggal gue sama darryl and harry. terus kita jalan si harry mau beli apa gt, yaudah kita temenin. trus beberapa menit kemudian, si selma dateng. terus kita ber4 terus misah bentar kan sama harry darryl, gue sama selma ke body shop trus kita xxi, nah di xxi harry bbm nanya kita dimana trus ada adnan dia kan baru selese nonton. trus ada harry dateng nah abis itu kita kebawah, adnan udh pergi lg sm temen temen nya. kita ber4 akhirnya nemenin harry makan drpd ga jelas, nah pas harry makan. yang lain baru pada dateng si angga, arya,mario and satya. berhubung itu udh jam 19.00 lebih jd kita harus beli ticket dong, yaudah gue satya sama selma beli ticket deh. pas di xxi ............guess gue ketemu siapa IBAM, fat, adenya ibam and dio zorg. gue langsung 0_0 btw ibam gantenggggggg banget, pake kemeja trus pake kardigan ungunya trus trus pake celana pendek jeans :3 :3 so handsomeeee. trus trus selma ngomong sm mereka satya beli ticket, of course gue gatahan di situ bawaan nya pengen nangis yaudah gue ngabur coba balik ke harry dkk. trus harry nyuruh gue di situ nah yaudah gue disitu diem aja kayak org oon gitu berdiri. trus abis itu si harry tau kayakny ngomong deh sama ibam but i forgot. trus trus udh kan beli ticket yaudah pd ngobrol bentar trus masuk, awalnya ibam ga ikut nonton. eh udh masuk ke dlm bioskop, gue selma saty pd mau beli popcorn dan minuman yaudah keluar taunya ibam lagi beli ticket ternyata dia juga nonton. pas kita udh masuk lagi ibam kan masih di luar, terus yaudah duduk beberapa menit kemudia ibam masuk trus satya nanya dia duduk dimana terus ibam bilang di belakang kita unyuuuuuuuuuuu 0_0 btw the film sort of scary but sort ofseru hahaha. either way blablablabla males ceritanya lagi

zebracross

gue engga ngerti kenapa yang nama nya cinta itu terkadang manis dan terkadang pait, tapi selama gue sama ibam jarang banget pait nya, sepait - paitnya pun gue masih bisa enjoy sama dia dan juga gue merasa nyaman dan seneng sama dia, anyway intinya gue capek sama yang nama nya sekitar gue sama lingkungan nya dan sejujurnya gue lingkungan gue bener bener ga ada bagus bagusnya. penuh dengan bullshit, lies and disappointment dan juga backstabbing backstabbingers intinya ya ga ada bagus bagusnya ya isinya drama semua.

capek engga sih? capek banget. jujur ga ada orang yang bisa ngertiin gue ga ada yang bisa gue bener bener percaya, sayang nya orang yang bener bener gue percayaiin gue malah nyakitin dia dan sekarang dia engga percaya .......... yes you mr.ibam. ya, emang keliatan nya gue nge mentingin ibam drpada yang lain, karena emang gue bener bener sayang sama ibam dan  juga gue engga mau tiap hari fighting buat kayak gini dan jujur ini capek ini kayak never ending battle, dan ini bener bener damage pertemanan gue sama ibam. jujur gue kangen cerita dan kangen ngobrol ngobrol sama ibam kangen jalan sama ibam.  dia sahabat yang amazing dan bener bener truly one hell of a person.

jujur ibam jauh lebih baik dari setengah orang yang gue kenal selama ini, ibam bener bener beda sama orang lain, gue ga tau apa yang buat dia beda tapi gue tau dia baik banget orang nya bener bener bisa ngertiin gue, gue kangen dapet perhatian dia dan di sapa ngobrol dan juga cara nya dia ngertiin gue. gue tau udah nyakitin dia parah parahan, tapi jujur sejujurnya gue pengen kita temenan kayak dulu.

my moto \m/

when all you got to keep is strong 

Move along, move along like I know you do 

And even when your hope is gone 

Move along, move along just to make it through  

When everything is wrong, we move along 

Along, along, along 

- Move Along by All American Rejects 

i need to start to be myself

Cause I'm sick of everybody else

I won't let you bring me down

It's here and now, I'm breaking out

I will learn to love again

But I will stand a broken man

- Broken Man by Boys Like Girls 

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way

-Beautiful by Christina Aguilera 

my dream wedding

another  option dress

invitation 1 

diamond ring, and two types of this but the other one with purple diamond or birth stone 

decoration 

dress 

decoration 1 

decoration 2 

invitation 2

wedding cake 2 

peacock inspired invitation 3

lily's bouquets 

my dream wedding, though its still far far far far away not near future but definitely i know what i want.  outdoorsy between garden or beach. lily's purple and white and blue and pink :3 :3

Feeling

If you ask what i'm feeling now i would surely answer this:

1. Unhappy 

2. Overwhelmed 

3. Unsure of my self 

4. Low esteem

5. Numb 

6. Unable to smile without hurting my heart 

7. suddenly feeling laughing hard and next thing crying hard

8. faking everything 

i need a answer

In my opinion, i think me and ibam was in love with each other we do care about each other but.... just being in love not enough to keep us together. but now everything changes... i do madly deeply in love with him i swear i do. but it wasn't enough for us or him just being in love with each other, we need to more to survive but we wasn't trying enough to make it work. Since everything was a messed i don't really know what to do, it's like every thing falls apart and i don't want to be a part of anything, i want to be numb. i'm trying not to care but it hard, lately i've been bad mood feels like wanna killing someone and i put my badmood on my friends i dont know why. but it feels that way. all in my head is full of question what if who why blabla yes many questioned and un answered. i need a answer.