" I may fake my smile or fake my laugh but i will never fake my feelings and my tears" 

strikes

i dont get it how everyday when that day i was having tons of fun and at night galau strikes again. like for the example today, i was just got home from watching movies with my boys.... and when i started to open twitter i see some girls tweet and when i read her tweet mygod reminds me of ibrahim arimurti rashad(ibam) so baddddd. make's me miss him so hard, i love him too much. seriously mygod why every night has to be GALAU?!! LIKE WHYYYYY? i don't get it i'm tired of people, people are so fuck up. c'mon this is a mess, oh people you have no idea how broken i am so back off you. mygod i hate some girl at school, i hate her so much since like ever. hate her, seeing her face i want to puke in her face and want to punch her so bad and kick her ass (sorry pms) but seriously i hate her so much, she tries to ruined my life like since..... i don't know its been a long time. my god hate her ewwwww. oyeah back to topic my god i'm so galau galau galau your killing me so bad. i hate this situation so bad. hate it hate it i wish i was this girl who have a cold heart. PLEASE I NEED A MEDICATION FOR DEPRESSING. my life is so depressing. BAM PLEASE EVERYTHING WAS BETTER WHEN YOUR AROUND LIKE SERIOUSLY.

goodbye

well he find my weakness.... yes loosing him is my weakness. i do love him with all my heart, and you know every words i type its like coming from my heart. i wish he could understand me, i always wondering what going on at his mind when he decide to broke up. does he want to make things right for us or not? is he doesn't want to make it through together? does he love me less that he couldn't watch me change and make things like it was supposed to be? does he want me to suffer? yes i feel this great lost when he say goodbye. i still remember the face he made when he told me it over especially the words it keep on coming back, to be honest everyday i feel guilty because i never could make him happy and i was hurting him. it was the worst feeling ever. everyday i wake up and have this guilt that keep on getting bigger and bigger. i know i could never ever have him back but i would love a second chance. actually ...... i want to pertahanin my relationship with him. he was the only boy that makes me feel like i'm good enough for somebody but apparently i'm not. i'm not even good enough for him i will never be good enough for anybody else. well i'm sorry bam like im really sorry alligator, my ibrahim arimurti rashad my oliver sykes. :'(

when i'm with ibm

i don't know if he feels this when he was with me or not, but when i'm with him it feels like the world stop and my heart beat faster,i feel this nervousness when our hand touch. it almost like i'm in fairytale. when we hold hands ...... your hands yes your long hands mygod it feels right and i feel like almost safe. and almost every time when i'm with you i do almost any stupid things. its like i'm salting a lot in front of you.i just love the feeling when i'm with you, to be honest i just love every minutes every second i spend with him. and he just give me the best 8 months, i don't know what juliet feels when she felt in love with romeo, but i think i might have my own fairytale with ibam. it almost like i feel like a princess when i'm with him. he treat me well and he take care of me. when i'm with him it almost like feels like i become a better person. its like in the lyrics of katy perry " You give me the hummingbird heartbeat Spread my wings and make me fly The taste of your honey is so sweet " 


ibam love almost the sweetest things ever that happen to me. 


what ever is happening in this world i would always love him. mark my words 'always' 

animals

so, i'm girl who deeply care about animals. any types of animals i love it. especially big cats and wild animals. i would love to be a zoologist. theres much animals in the world that worth to be study, and i would like also to rescue them from poachers, endangered, bad environment, etc. well to be honest the things i remember that already stuck in my knowledge is about big cats and giraffe. i would love to learn more, i want to rescue baby animals and when they grow up i would put them back in the wild. i would also like to created an organization that could help the animals and i think in my opinion theres much things to be done to help the animals but people didn't do much. please support me to become a zoologist and please participate in helping an animals any kind of animals. any animals is worth to rescue.

black&white

" i miss being a kid because skinned knees are easier to heal than broken hearts" 

" i tried to hide my tears, i tried to be hard & i tried to show a smile but the true is to be perfect but i cant live this lie anymore" 

" my whole life is falling apart and i dont even have the strength inside of me to fix it"  

"sometimes it's better to keep it all inside, where the only person that could judge is your self" 

things about love

love for me is just a words that human made and a feelings that created by human. from what i'm feeling love basically is a feelings that makes you feel like your world is spinning and your heart beats faster when you next to him. when you're not around him it feels wrong and miss that person a lot. i know these things because this things is what i feel ... wait i means what i'm used to feel when i'm with him.  every second i spend with him its like worth of my time, the happiness i feel when i'm with him well its priceless and different. i know i sound like i'm exaggerating but the truth i'm not, thats just what i feel when i'm around him. and when he hugged me it feels like warm and suddenly you feel like your not alone anymore. and when he says 'i love you' you feel relief because theres someone who love you back its like he doesn't see my in-perfection. for the first time i feel like i'm not being judge or not being questioned. fall in love with him it feels right and being apart from him feels wrong, i know i'm still young and doesn't really know anything about love but somehow i was glad he was mine back then. but you know what i feels when he's gone and not loving me anymore? it feels like my heart being stab and your heart being torn into pieces and feels so alone and you know you cant ever have him back no matter how hard you try you just cant. there's nothing left i can do, all i can do is just sit here and look at him. i do love him, well i love him so much unconditional love. he may not understand the love i feel for him but i know it was real, for once i accept someone 100%.  i don't think that it would be that hard to forget him... but actually it does. hard as hell, it seems like i just cant. so now i'm alone, helpless and things everything gone wrong. ever since that broke up with him, i feels like i'm the worst person in this entire world. to be honest he rock my world, he used to make me the most happiest girl the entire world. he may not realize but actually he doing a great job when he was with me. he did everything right i was to dumb to appreciate it and you know he was an excellent boyfriend and an awesome best friend.